S*#t My Boss Says

From Adam Kruze, this great guy I worked with. We are friends and war buddies now. I had no idea he had a real list.

On my last day I wanted to share with you my collection of Zane-isms. I was going to share with some other people, but I think it would be best if you pick who it is shared with (if anyone). I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I enjoyed recording them!

I don’t know why a monkey on my head sounds like a good idea.

It takes 45 minutes to wire funds? Why are you hiring the mentally disabled?

I’d like to give you a hug but in an HR sensitive way. Bend at the hips.

I just had a peanut butter and chocolate cupcake; let’s roll.

I’m so sorry, you’ve been getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop for some time now.

This is where the tortilla hits the driveway.

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while.

Hey, how’s it going? Are we taking it up the Z axis today?

He’s about as wiley as Hogan’s goat.

I’ve never punched a lesbian. I did push one once. There was flannel everywhere.

Really? You’re sending her a Pink Ribbon Breast Cancer Awareness Edible Arrangement Basket? Sorry your boobs are killing you, here’s a piece of chocolate covered fruit.

There is nothing sexy about an AARP card.

I’ve never barked on a call before, but there you have it. It feels good. You guys ought to try it sometime.

She’ll look good until about 30 when the Orville Redenbacker genetics kick in. Bloop, bloop, bloop!

“Hey – go home!” Don’t worry – I’m off like a prom dress. I would say off like a bride’s bra but Kristy told me they usually don’t wear them. OK, Gloria Steinam!

I’m such a sucker for those charities, like Gay Baby Whales for Jesus Troop #33.

He was so happy you’d have thought he was pooping gold bars.

(with both hands moving around, deep in his pants) I’m adjusting my clothes, not my body.

“She had the stigmata.”
They make a cream for that. Actually, it’s an ointment. (get it, anointment?)

(Pointing to his wall with filled with notes and drawings from the many meetings held in his office) This is “A Beautiful Mind,” office edition.

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